Researchers have located a man who uses Apple products with no particular enthusiasm. Whilst admitting to owning several of the ubiquitous devices, 24-year-old James Hack, from Cromer in Norfolk, simply shrugged when asked about how they empowered his life.
‘They’re OK, I guess,’ said the delivery driver, without bothering to remove the hardware from his pocket or brandish it in anyone’s face. ‘I own things made by other companies too,’ he added before getting into his van and driving off normally.
A friend, Darren Tibbs, who works as a ‘genius’ in the local Apple store, said: ‘James is clearly ill. When we were ten, we used to play Prince of Persia together on his Apple ][. Now he’s just … please excuse me – Siri: New friends in Cromer. No not ‘crowbar’ – oh for fuck’s sake…’