Greenpeace praises ISIS’s low carbon execution methods

ISIS execution methods, including hand-delivered justice systems such as stoning and beheading, have won praise from Greenpeace for their low use of fossil fuels and almost minimal CO2 emissions.

‘While Greenpeace would not condone violence – unless it’s a climate change sceptic and there are no cameras present – we must single out ISIS for their commitment to low carbon outcomes,’ said Greenpeace’s business spokesperson, Susan Mueslini.

The Cuban government also picked up an award for the creative use of solar panels by interrogators. A sustainably sourced electricity supply, when applied to the testicles of critics of the regime, has helped keep CO2 emissions to a minimum. Pipped into second place was a Congolese warlord who has created a way to fry his opponents like ants, using just a giant magnifying glass and naturally occurring sunlight.

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Posted: Apr 24th, 2015 by

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