‘Of course, I’m hoping to become an MP – the expenses are better and with enough SNP MPs in Parliament we can force the canteen to deep fry Mars bars the Holyrood way,’ said Alex Salmond today, ‘but if that doesnae pan out, I’m going tae run for London Mayor.’
His announcement follows similar claims by other politicians. Lembit Opik is to stand again, despite a disastrous track record with leadership challenges, having backed the wrong candidate for the Lib Dem leadership twice then Nick Clegg last time around.
Other candidates include Labour’s Tessa Jowell who has increased her previous offer to ‘jump under a bus for Tony Blair’ to diving under a Boris Bendy Bus instead. George Galloway, however, is thought to be the front runner, offering continuity to the people of London in terms of being an eccentric, thick-skinned shagger.