Jeremy Vine refusing to leave ‘virtual’ election studio

'Battlegrounds? Real life is a battleground my friend!'

Presenter and broadcaster Jeremy Vine has reportedly refused to vacate the BBC’s ‘virtual set’, days after election coverage had officially ended. Eyewitnesses say Vine has barricaded himself into the studio, claiming he is now part of the ‘virtual realm’ and refusing to take part in any dialogue with what he calls the ‘domain of flesh-puppets.’ The BBC confirmed the Panorama presenter has ‘gone rogue’.

It is understood the presenter has issued a list of demands including a weekly graphics-based show, and/or access to a holodeck.

Vine is being surveyed by police and producers via TV monitors, though latest reports suggest he has dressed in a green jumpsuit in order to remain invisible in the all-digital studio.

Four hours after the election coverage ended he was still seen running up and down the Giant’s Causeway-esque news hexagons, rambling incoherently to a bank of deactivated cameras.

The Dimbleby brothers have been called in to attempt to negotiate, while the show’s digital team attempt to create a hexagon bridge to slowly coax the presenter into a secure area where he can be contained and evaluated. Veteran election pundit and friend Peter Snow told us: ‘It’s a very tense situation – he’s a seasoned election broadcaster and used to filling long stretches of time with meaningless analysis based on virtually no information. Once presenters get themselves caught in a news loop it’s very hard to get them out.’

‘In my day election coverage was centred around a large wooden pointer and casualties were light, with only occasional instances of presenters demanding sacrifices to the Swingometer God before 6am.’

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Posted: May 9th, 2015 by

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