Polls fooled by ‘secret shame’ of Tory electorate

They'll be getting married to each other next!

After Election night when the country awoke to realise that, in their midst, many may have been living a lie but had finally found a pride in who they really are, Tory voters have been welcomed into the folds of the LBGT community like ‘one of their own’.

Spokesperson Myra Kirchoff explained, ‘Our traditional LBGT members are very familiar with the strain of hiding their basic convictions and only after a lot of soul-searching become confident enough to express their true selves. This is why we agreed to give refuge to the newly proclaimed Tories, despite their inclinations being against our natural view of the world in some cases, and really quite perverse. In many ways the Tory members have had it so very, very hard. So to speak.’

As Ms Kirchoff waved at a poster depicting the new LGBTC logo of a rainbow flag set against a bright blue background and a Tory tree, folk everywhere began squinting at one another in the street and wondering; ‘Are you one too? I thought I was all alone. I am still too ashamed to admit it.’

‘The blue depicted around our flag has long been thought to represent the sky, but in fact it hides a darker truth. That of ubiquitous Conservatism, pervading the very air we breathe. And now it is time for it to come out, preferably without unhelpful references to farts in colanders. This election has proved that, far from being in the minority, Tories are in fact the silent-but-deadly majority.’

Ms Kirchoff added; ‘It is time for Tories to hold their heads up and say, ‘Yes, I voted for them, it was me, I was that fart in the fresh air of respectable, progressive society,’ while the unenlightened, unaccepting bigots continue to grumble loudly and hold their noses.’

Lord Voldemort

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Posted: May 12th, 2015 by

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