Having courted controversy by requiring all women to wear heels on the red carpet, the Cannes Film Festival has now insisted that all pint-sized actors must bring their own pogo stick. Gone is the Golden Era of Hollywood, when Mickey Rooney could demand to be placed on a plinth and his co-stars were forced to saw their own legs off at the knee.
A festival spokesman explained: ‘It’s not just the women we are targeting but all shortarses. Tom Cruise is 3ft 4, Daniel Radcliffe has to wear stilts and Martin Freeman is technically a micropig’.
Women who wish to wear flat shoes will have to pass a test which involves high-fiving a leaping Nicole Kidman. A security guard confirmed: ‘We spotted Elijah Wood trying to get in on Jonah Hill’s shoulders. We also turned Lindsay Lohan away. She’s 5ft 5, so technically she’s tall enough – she’s just a bit shit’.