Cannes also cracking down on short actors

Having courted controversy by requiring all women to wear heels on the red carpet, the Cannes Film Festival has now insisted that all pint-sized actors must bring their own pogo stick. Gone is the Golden Era of Hollywood, when Mickey Rooney could demand to be placed on a plinth and his co-stars were forced to saw their own legs off at the knee.

A festival spokesman explained: ‘It’s not just the women we are targeting but all shortarses. Tom Cruise is 3ft 4, Daniel Radcliffe has to wear stilts and Martin Freeman is technically a micropig’.

Women who wish to wear flat shoes will have to pass a test which involves high-fiving a leaping Nicole Kidman. A security guard confirmed: ‘We spotted Elijah Wood trying to get in on Jonah Hill’s shoulders. We also turned Lindsay Lohan away. She’s 5ft 5, so technically she’s tall enough – she’s just a bit shit’.

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Posted: May 21st, 2015 by

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