Immigrants caused Kent earthquake

The combined weight of migrant workers arriving on Britain’s shores is causing the country to tilt, it has emerged, as areas of Kent were violently rocked by a small earthquake on Thursday night. The 4.3-magnitude quake caused teacups to rattle and flocks of ceramic ducks to fall off living room walls.

‘It’s simple physics, innit?’ said Janet Spitt, a disgruntled local who canvassed for UKIP in the recent election. ‘If you have a long, slender thing and put enough weight on one corner of it, it’ll tip over. One more Bulgarian plumber and we’ll end up in the sea.’

Mobs who had gathered outside a Polish shop dispersed after police promised that they would be investigating claims of people feeling ‘a bit lopsided’ since the tremor. They added: ‘Look, go home now, before Farage comes back and it really starts kicking off.’

Philip Kendall

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Posted: May 23rd, 2015 by

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