The man hitherto thought to be the tallest in the world is in fact three extremely short men stood on each other’s shoulders under a large raincoat, it has emerged. The swindling ‘giant’ was making a personal appearance at the opening ceremony of a multi-storey car park in Basingstoke, when ‘he’ tripped over a kerb and the duping dwarves came tumbling out.
The three later told the local press that they had originally been a two-man act but had to extend it to three because the original pairing barely came to six feet tall. Tabloids are already referring to the scandal as ‘Faux Height and the Three Dwarves’.
Martin Davidson, 43, a local farmer who was attending the opening, said: ‘He went down like a sack of potatoes. Next thing we knew there were these three little fellas running around. I wrestled one of them to the ground and tethered him up, just like one of my sheep.’
The news has come as a bitter disappointment to the legion of young fans who believed that they were seeing the world’s tallest man, to compound the bitter disappointment of growing up in Basingstoke. ‘I came to see my hero but now I know the dismal truth that heroes only exist in comic books,’ said one 11-year-old boy. ‘What have I got to aim for now? My life is in tatters.’
In a bizarre twist to the tale, it has emerged that the middle dwarf, Jorge Kalaizer, is so short that he is now officially the shortest man in the world at 1’8”, knocking the former record holder off his tiny throne. He said that he is glad to be able to stop living a lie and is looking forward to the money, fame, sex and respect that my new title will give him.
‘I hope the other guys find similar success,’ added Kalaizer. ‘At 3’2” and 3’7” respectively they aren’t going to be breaking records like me, but to paraphrase Oasis and Isaac Newton, if I have been able to wobble further before falling over, it is because I have been standing on the shoulders of dwarves. And having dwarves stand on mine. Er, I think that’s what they meant…’
Mickyelvino. Hat tips to Spartacus, Sydalg and NewBiscuit