Malaysian mountain god demands ‘more tits’

The sacred spirit of Mount Kinabalu – who is largely in charge of keeping the island of Borneo above sea level – made a dramatic statement today, but this time using language, rather than dangerously ambiguous plate tectonics.

‘For god’s sake, I really don’t know what the locals are bitching about; I bloody love tits, and any kind of tit as well. Obviously, the lovely lady-lumps are my favourite, but I also have a soft spot for the brainless backpacking tits who come prancing up here in all weathers, wearing little more than a g-string and flip-flops. Keep ’em coming, I say; they’re bleeding hilarious!’

‘And I can barely remember the last time I got my rocks off at the sight of some perky teenage boobage. Must have been back in the 70s, when those ghastly headhunters last sacrificed ten virgins and half a chicken to try to end a drought. But that’s none of my business anyway; they should have tried talking to Puang Matoa; he’s in charge of rain.’

The 13,435 foot basalt-based deity continued ‘But now that Minister for Tourism really should stop blaming those halfwitted honeys for flashing their baps on my peak. I don’t care how many buffalo they butcher, I did the earthquake for the same reason I always do them, because nearly all the natives have turned to Islam, and there’s bugger all chance of backpacking bikini babes with that lot. Now that’s a proper bloody outrage!’

Crayon

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Posted: Jun 13th, 2015 by

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