Known for his portfolio of properties in prestigious locations such as London, Buckinghamshire and the upmarket suburbs of Bristol, Mr Blair conceded he was ‘finding it difficult to justify an investment of that magnitude’ given the current situation on the ground.
After seeking assurances, twice, that all was in order on potential additions to his estate, including receiving a dossier on a lovely villa in Tikrit which turned out to have exaggerated the facilities on offer by quite a wide margin, Mr Blair concluded that it was probably best to leave things well alone for the time being.
That view has been largely endorsed by Iraqi estate agents muttering under their breath to anyone who would listen that this really wasn’t the time to buy, but all has now gone quiet after one of them died in mysterious circumstances.
‘Look, life in Iraq is not what I hoped it would be when I invaded the place 10 years ago,’ he told BBC Newsnight, ‘but one day it will be a utopia for foreign investors, like me, and of course the trick is to get in there early before anyone Russian, Chinese or Iranian recognises the potential, and gets there first.’
But with trouble on the streets, the Iraqi housing market in freefall and once-desirable Palaces now being used as soup and lettuce kitchens, there seems little prospect of the Blairs snapping up a holiday lodge in the sunshine any time soon and paying back bygone hospitality by having Cliff Richard and Silvio Berlusconi round for tennis.
Everything changed, however, as it emerged that Former US Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, was in Baghdad being shown around several large vacant properties which came with their own oil well.
‘Cherie, get your bags, right now,’ urged a ruffled, panicky Blair. ‘We’re going in!’