The head of the North Western Railway, Sir Topham Hatt, is to step down after he wildly underestimated its budget last year and will be replaced by Commissioner for Transport for London, Sir Peter Hendy.
Sir Hatt’s mental state has long been under scrutiny since he claimed he could communicate with trains and it was discovered that he’d worn the same suit for the past 33 years.
At his first press conference, Hendy revealed he’ll be putting the kibosh on the more ambitious plans given the green light and a cheery wave by his predecessor. “The idea of a new high speed line between the Island of Sodor and the British mainland is asking for the moon on a stick. It’s over-ambitious, not properly costed and some of the trains are still far too badly behaved for any real progress to be made,” he said.
None of the trains could be reached for comment as some had crashed and were awaiting rescue by all the others.