The Greek electorate has been celebrating the adoption of a national policy of ‘the cheque being in the post’ by a larger than expected margin in early elections. Winning 36% of votes counted, the Syriza Party was able to promise an end to austerity and a return to ‘hiding’ when someone knocks at the door, ‘ignoring’ letters with red font and being ‘not known at this address’.
Clearly mixed up with some other country with the same name, Greece explained to the European Central Bank (ECB) that: ‘You have the wrong number. No speekee German. And we are in the process of changing banks anyway’, although the International Monetary Fund (IMF) expressed a degree of scepticism that Greece’s accountant would be on holiday the same day that their dog ate their invoice.
An ECB spokesman released a statement claiming: ‘Greece appears to have moved house but left no forwarding address. We discovered several million utility bills stuffed in their recycling box, along with one malnourished cat’. The ECB also confirmed that feta cheese, illegal bribes and ‘nudey statues’ were not tax deductible.
With the Euro hitting an 11 year low against the dollar, the IMF has asked other members of the Eurozone if they know Greece’s mobile number. None seemed to, although Cyprus shifted uncomfortably in its chair.
Despite being a radical coalition of the left, Greece’s new government has a capitalist solution; a spokeswoman said: ‘Debt responsibilities must be honoured, but the cheaper option is to register Greece as a tax subsidiary of Amazon’.