Camila Batmanghelidjh told to simplify her name or else

kids v. ids

Work and Pensions Secretary Ian Duncan Smith has ordered Kids Company boss Camila Batmanghelidjh to simplify her name or face instant liquidation of the charity that helps needy young people avoid contact with Conservatives. ‘Something like er, Margaret, or Theresa would be much more manageable and, as for the surname, well something a little bit English sounding would make our job of denouncing her as an evil thief that much more easy.’

‘Every time we write a press release suggesting Ms Batmanghelidjh is an incompetent scheming madwoman, we have to look up how to spell her name. And we want her to disassociate her name with Batman, who everyone recognises as a do-gooder which helps publicise her corrupt cause of helping young people The Conservatives need to reclaim the Batman image and the skin-tight rubber leggings. I understand William Hague is looking into this.’

Wearing a multi-coloured robe, a fruit-inspired tropical headdress, funny glasses and enormous dangly ear-rings in the shape of shrunken Yvette/Andy heads, Duncan Smith conceded a grudging respect for Batmanghelidjh’s dress sense. ‘Most of the cabinet is wearing this crazy multi-coloured dreamcoat look now. If it worked for her, image wise it will work for us. William has just gone wild about the pearl on David’s new turban! At least I think that’s what he said.’

However, Duncan Smith said that Batmanghelidjh must join a Tory working party that will re-brand poverty so it sounds more like it is the poor person’s fault.’ explained Mr Duncan Smith. ‘Apparently Ms Batmanghelidjh knows many of these people who don’t have jobs or money or homes or even cars, so she knows what makes them tick and how we can help them into work camps, I mean work. It’s no good giving them endless hand-outs violently stolen from the taxpayer at dead of night by elite bands of terrorist social workers.’

Added Duncan Smith: ‘Hey, what about Camilla Jones? That sounds a bit black, then you can be justifiably assassinated in a hail of gunfire by an armed officer acting on the spur of the moment! Dave! Dave! I’ve got an idea!’

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Posted: Jul 12th, 2015 by

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