The Labour leadership has approved plans for an automatic ‘cooling off period’ before agreeing with the Conservatives on major policy initiatives such as the two child tax credit limit.
‘We don’t want to disagree with them or say anything that might sound a bit socialist,’ explained a spokesman. ‘They obviously know what they’re doing, and it would be plain rude to contradict the Prime Minister. He’s the boss of the country, you know. He’s very important.
‘We just feel that when we come straight out and say that we agree with the Tories, it confuses voters. Politics is all about choice, and we want to give the electorate at least the illusion of an alternative. Delaying our sycophantic agreement for an hour gives the impression that we’re thinking about it, and there’s always the possibility that we might think of something better. Maybe when the leadership’s sorted we’ll be able to have some ideas of our own. Ooh, do you think we could get George Osborne to stand? He’s brilliant.
‘So, we urge voters to vote Labour if you prefer red to blue, and if you don’t mind hanging on for an hour or so to find out what we believe in.’