Nelson Mandela ‘getting a bit racist in his old age’

remembers when it was all fields round here

Reports from the 93rd birthday of former South African President Nelson Mandela say the event was marred by the veteran anti-apartheid campaigner complaining about the number of ‘blacks’ at the party, and the old man going on at length how South Africa had gone down hill since they ‘let all those darkies take over’.

‘They’re everywhere now aren’t they?’ said Mandela, looking around at his surviving comrades from the African National Congress and his successors in the majority rule South African government that he devoted his life to securing.  ‘You let one black into the government and then they completely take over.  This used to be a lovely country…’

Embarrassed friends and relations apparently attempted to point out to Mandela that he was himself black, at which he took enormous offence, and accused them of being ‘uppity’.  The father of the nation was reminded that he spent 27 years in prison as he awaited the end of racial segregation in his native South Africa, but he fervently denied this, telling everyone that he had been away ‘on a training course’ and that all these people in prison wouldn’t be there if they brought back the death penalty.  ‘If I managed to keep out of trouble, I don’t know why these youngsters can’t.’

Things got particularly awkward with the presentation of the birthday cake, which was ceremoniously cut by Jacob Zuma  the current South African President.  Nelson Mandela pointedly refused a slice, saying ‘not if it’s had his dirty hands all over it.’

Mandela’s daughter Zindzi Mandela-Hlongwane said afterwards ‘It’s always a shame when old people get a bit racist as their minds start to go. But it’s particularly sad in this case, what with Nelson Mandela being the world’s living embodiment of anti-racism, tolerance and reconciliation. But he’s 93 now so it’s sort of to be expected.  But on the positive side,’ added Zindzi, ‘he did say that black people have a natural sense of rhythm and are good at sport, so fair play to the old bastard.’

19th July 2011

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