Alan Sugar ‘intake’ should be halved

'You're clinically obese'

Scientists have recommended cutting our media exposure to millionaires with their own reality TV show and love affair with an under-performing football team. Advisers on nutrition say that by exceeding our 5% of daily televisual Sugar, budding entrepreneurs will believe success comes with no overheads, no VAT and a ‘blagged’ interview with Claude Littner.

‘The Apprentice’ is giving such an unrealistic view of the world of business, that scientists predict by 2020 all Keynesian economic theory will be replaced by Stuart Baggs ‘the brand’. One episode alone contains nine teaspoons of Sugar in relation to each steaming dollop of ‘supply/demand bullshit’. So delusional have viewers become that they are more likely to accept that big retail buyers regularly meet with small time chancers, than believe in the tooth fairy.

Margins quoted in the boardroom are now so fanciful that Greece is hoping to base their bail-out proposal on the same model. A BBC representative confirmed: ‘Lord Sugar has made us confuse ‘fat cats’ with those who are simply clinically obese and morbidly stupid. And sadly, Dara Ó Briain has already withdrawn from ‘The Apprentice: You’re Fired!’ having developed type 2 career-complacency’.

A high-Sugar diet is almost as damaging as a high-fibre evening spent with Richard Branson. Health campaigners say programmes need clearer labelling of Sugar content, or at least a photograph of a ‘hirsute raisin’ as a warning. Ultimately, scientists suggest that the public would do better to stick to a diet of vegetables – or ‘The Dragon’s Den’ as they are called.

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Posted: Jul 17th, 2015 by

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