Father discovers hallway closed for two months for Summer Playtime

'Yeah, I'll tidy it in a minute'

After a council of 8 year olds voted to spend the summer playing at Martin’s house, Martin’s dad Pete has been informed his hallway will be out of action for the next two months.

Despite Pete’s attempts to transfer the event elsewhere by embarrassing his son by acting all Boris Johnson, and bribing one of his son’s friends to host the playtime, he has instead found himself agreeing to foot the bill for a new carpet to cater for Lillian’s allergies and improve ‘car mat day’.

With the Scalextric track set to be given priority for ‘important races’ to occur between the kitchen and dining room, Pete has been warned his travel between the two may be severely disrupted and with spectators of up to eight per day, it has been recommended that he ‘get ahead of the playtime’ by climbing out of the window instead, or even just staying in the kitchen all day.

Having paraded his bike and new water cannon around the neighbourhood to perk interest, Martin is hoping for a large turnout at his parents’ London based house this summer. ‘The water fight day filled up pretty quickly, but there are still some spaces left for the finger painting session’, he revealed. ‘But I am confident those beginning to feel guilty about missing out on this opportunity will attend the shitter ones.’

Martin’s mum has called for extra drying up duties to be promised in order to prevent a strike of the taxi service, which can expect to be demanded several times a day. She has also forbidden Pete’s plan to block the water supply in order to sell extortionately priced lemonade to the children in an attempt to claw back some cash. Catering requirements will also rise dramatically, with extra worms being imported for Martin’s special friend, Brian.

The event has been billed as a ‘once in a lifetime opportunity’, but Martin’s dad is not convinced. ‘The only legacy I’ll be getting is when I find a half-chewed plastic alligator in a slipper a few days later’, he complained. ‘That Brian is a tool.’

‘The rest of London can be thankful they aren’t paying to host a bunch of hyperactive wannabes, pumped up on sugar, running around, getting in the way, and trying to outdo each other all summer.’


27th July 2012

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