DIY show does makeover for normal, healthy family

'Someone bash their finger at least, please!'

Viewers of a DIY makeover show were left a little bemused last night as they watched the transformation of a house occupied by a normal healthy family. John Thompson, 49, and his wife Debra and two children were the lucky recipients of some fairly costly renovations to their ‘tired-looking’ home.

‘The producers asked me on arrival if I’d lost a child recently or if any of them were terminally ill, or disabled, or had Down Syndrome, spina bifida, meningitis, leukaemia, eating disorders, a colostomy bag or were being bullied or just ugly. My boy had tonsilitis a few years back but other than that everyone is fine,’ said Mr Thompson.

More questions were to follow such as was she planning to leave him or was he going to split from her? Had they lost a family pet? Was he recently made redundant or did some cowboy workers let him down? ‘None of those things applied to me’ admitted John. ‘To be honest, I really only applied because I’m lazy and wanted to save money and get on TV.’

The job went ahead anyway despite the lack of tragedy and heartbreaking undercurrent of sadness. They future-proofed the house by making it wheelchair accessible and put in a lift just in case any of the family became a paraplegic, lost a limb or went blind, which of course made the crew all emotional.

Everyone was delighted with the reveal. Mum, Debra, was delighted with the kitchen.

Mr Thompson was equally enthusiastic about the transformation. ‘I can easily see why people fall in love with one coat of paint hastily put on top of wet plaster.’

He has recently applied to another show to have his garden done by Britain’s favourite gardener but they want two doctors notes to confirm a family illness and a copy of the death certificate where necessary.


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Posted: Jul 21st, 2015 by

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