Several members of the House of Lords have openly criticised Lord Sewel after a shocking video revealed his ‘unacceptably poor’ technique for snorting cocaine from a prostitute’s breasts.
‘The House of Lords has always maintained the highest standards in prostitutes’, explained one peer. ‘If you look above the Woolsack you will see the inscription “Generosum selectum tantum teres meretrices” – a gentleman selects only the finest prostitutes. Some of us strive to maintain standards, you know. His judgment was sadly lacking on this occasion.’
‘Also, why snort it from the breast? It’s a convex surface, you’re bound to lose some. There are seven approved crevices, all listed in the House of Lords Handbook, which Lord Sewel surely should have read.’
Lord Sewel has however been applauded by the House of Lords Clichés Committee, which described his ‘extraordinarily clichéd behaviour’ on this occasion as ‘exemplary’.