In news that will bring joy to animal lovers everywhere, it was discovered that dentist Walt Palmer did not kill Cecil, ‘King of the Jungle’, and instead only shot two poor, desperate Zimbabweans dressed up in a furry suit.
‘Of course we did not let a hunter near one of our treasured lions’, said gamekeeper Anesu Chikwava. ‘With unemployment rife there is never a problem to hire local men dressed in lion costumes to fill out the numbers. It has been a sound financial investment; men cost less to feed and, up until now, there has been no problem with recognition as most hunters choose to shoot their target from behind’.
Animal rights campaigners also welcomed news that the dead men’s families will receive a small compensation package and season pass to the park to share between them, and that if Walt palmer ever turned up again they’d ‘take away his bow and arrows, strip him naked, smother his tackle in gravy and let him loose in the pride lands’.