David Cameron has unveiled emergency legislation to forbid the sale of milk and honey products to those who do not have the legal right to be in Britain. News of the ban has resulted in what French police are calling ‘an almost instant’ solution to the crisis at Calais, with migrants packing up and heading back to their war torn dictatorships, where death or long term poverty awaits, rather than face a lifetime in the UK with only lemon tea and black coffee to drink.
Supermarkets round Britain are already gearing up to regulate milk and honey sales, knowing that the full force of the law will descend on them should they be caught selling the illegal goods to ‘swarms’ of starving refugees and victims of persecution. Sainsbury’s has already adapted its automatic checkouts to detect milk and honey purchase, backed by a sponsorship deal with the Daily Mail. If either product is scanned, the purchaser will be required by law to immediately scan their passport or residency document. Failure to do so will result in the machine loudly announcing saying ‘unexpected migrant in the bagging area’ followed by a radio commercial for the Mail on Sunday read by Peter Hitchens.
Back at the Calais encampment, one Syrian refugee said ‘The war our country is going through made it not worth living in. We daily faced violence, homelessness, starvation and the death of our children. Our journey here was difficult and dangerous. But now we have seen the wisdom of Mr Cameron. Without the unlimited free milk and honey that we were promised in books about Britain, we must resign ourselves to a return to to the war zone and certain death. We must express our gratitude to the UK for its efforts to make peace in the terrible places from where we come. And we give thanks also to the Daily Telegraph sponsorship department for the special-offer one way Euro Tunnel ticket.’