‘A James Bond for the 21st century has to reflect the new century’s gender diversity as part of its core values, which is why we urge readers to vote for Grayson Perry as the new 007,’ runs the influential Guardian leader. ‘Our 2010 endorsement of Nick Clegg showed the paper breaking new ground in politics. We aim to deliver similar re-purposing in the movie sphere, which is why we have endorsed Grayson for Bond, possibly with Graham Norton as Mr Moneypenny.’
In the first ballot of its kind, in which ordinary members of the public can register to vote for the new Bond, newspapers have played an enormous and significant part. The Daily Telegraph has gone for a safer bet, suggesting Penelope Keith for the role. ‘Older women’s parts have almost dried up, but a new mature Jane Bond will revive the role, one minute involved in a hand to hand fight with Felicity Kendall, the next minute chatting in the Boots queue to fill her HRT prescription,’ said Keith.
But there are growing fears that billions of SMERSH agents have illicitly registered for the Bond ballot, with North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un taking a surprise lead in the polls. This has lead to Lionel Blair coming out of retirement to warn the world ‘we are on the brink of a precipice of disaster, with socialism returning to the dark days of the gulags, and the building of unfeasibly huge metro stations in Moscow. These resulted in millions of deaths and décor of questionable taste.’
The Daily Mirror, meanwhile, is backing unknown hopeful Andy Burnham.