John Prescott has declined the role of James Bond because he felt the role was ‘a bit sexist’ and ‘lacked the scholasticated gravitas’ he would naturally bring to any performance, despite the inevitability of any public ballot for the role means that fans will overwhelmingly vote for him, particularly the ladies.
‘Personally I think young Danny Craig should stick with it, we are practically body-doubles anyway,’ Prescott added. His agent added that the former deputy PM was ‘too much of an intellectual heavyweight’ for the role, though ‘at least we know that the fight scenes would be realistic’.
While expressing regret for the disappointment to Bond fans everywhere, Prescott admitted concerns that his female co-stars might not be up to his exacting standards. ‘See that Halle Berry?’ he said. ‘I wouldn’t touch her wi’ yours.’
Kevin the Swan