EU leaders have warned that a surging tide of migrants from Britain is threatening to overwhelm the Greek island of Kos. Fears are growing that the authorities in Kos could lose control of the situation, as ever more sunburnt families, students and stag dos migrate to the island in a desperate search to escape the threat of tedium and pissing rain in their homeland
Local fisherman Stathis Dimitriou said that he feared his way of life could be under threat from the migrants. ‘This used to be a peaceful island where I could make a decent living from fishing, just like my father and grandfather used to. But since these migrants came over here, dumping beer cans in the sea and listening to shit dance music, there have been no fish to catch and I’m struggling to make ends meet,’ he said.
The migrants reputedly pay a gang of cynical people-traffickers called EasyJet up to £32.99 to be brought to Kos, often in dangerous and unsanitary conditions. However, their numbers have surged to the extent that they could soon overrun local police and health services, paid for by hard-working Greek taxpayers.
‘They come over here just to claim free healthcare for when they need their stomachs pumped at 4 in the morning. All at the expense of Joseferos Mugginopoulos here,’ lamented taxi driver Stelios Gianakos. ‘I’d shoot the bastards, but it would probably go against petty EU law and their poxy ‘yuman rights’.’
The Greek government has been warned that the plague of migrants can’t go on for ever, as tensions between the British and the locals inevitably boil over into drunken fights outside nightclubs. Some, however, have expressed sympathy with the migrants’ motives.
‘These people are only trying to improve their lives by coming to Kos and we should respect that,’ said 16-year-old Abu al-Said, a refugee from Libya. ‘I did the same and my homeland doesn’t sound half as awful as theirs.’