A huge brewery venue in London that is set to hold an enormous piss-up for the Labour party is to be reorganised, so that fewer supporters are invited in future. Guests to the existing piss-up are still planning ‘a night to remember’, though not all Labour members are looking forward to it.
‘When we started organising the piss-up, we thought the more people who came to the party, the better,’ Andy Burnham said. ‘So we sent out loads of invites, not realising there would be quite a lot of people who’d want to come who me and my friends Yvette and Liz don’t really like. By the way Yvette’s not really my friend, because she’s a girl.’
‘That doesn’t mean she couldn’t organise the piss-up, by the way. That has nothing to do with her being a girl, and I never said that and these are precisely the kind of arguments a properly designed, much smaller-scale piss-up in a more democratically effective beer-manufacturing hub could iron out. Otherwise the £750 I spent on this suit is down the swanee.’
Meanwhile the existing massive piss-up will go ahead, packed with traditional boozers, many of them northern, enjoying unlimited beer and sandwiches. Traditional smoke-filled rooms may also have to be provided.
Another organiser, Liz Kendall, said: ‘This fiasco shows that the whole idea of the brewery itself has to be re-thought, so that only people like us come to the piss-up in it. It means a very particular kind of brewery and a very particular kind of up-pisser. And, more importantly, a re-branding of ‘piss-up’ to something more appropriate. like ‘strategy re-evaluation workshop.’
It is understood the Parliamentary Labour Party are talking to small artisan brewers of craft ales for any future piss-ups. Yvette Cooper said she had discussed the new-piss-up idea with some privately educated but hippy-looking ale-blending entrepreneurs whose stories of business pioneering will appeal to the kind of voter Labour failed to attract at the last election.
She continued: ‘These tiny, architecturally interesting breweries would be far too small to host the huge and distastefully inclusive piss-up of the kind I have been forced into attending. There are already worrying signs that the traditional New Labour party is threatened. Tristan Hunt has already said he’s thinking of changing his name to Terry. Or even Tel. ’