Persistent cold callers and chuggers face new ‘badgerer cull’

Cute, furry creatures 'don't stand a chance'

Following last year’s unsuccessful culling campaign, the Government has today announced plans for a second attempt at reducing the ‘badgerer’ population. Up to 70% of badgerers who spend their days harassing the public on the street or on the phone in attempts to extract money from them are to be culled in 2014, in an operation designed to put an end to the unpopular practice.

Last year’s attempt at culling badgerers was considered by critics to be ‘ineffective’. The Government targets for the number of personal injury compensation badgerers to be dealt with in 2013 were not met, leading to the proliferation of a new generation of ‘PPI compensation badgerers’ this year. Environment Minister Liz Truss is keen to set new targets, although she insists the aims of the badgerer cull have not changed, saying: ‘The badgerers have not moved the goalposts.’

Remarkably, the government campaign faces opposition from organisations who support the badgerers. The Badgerers Trust, together with the Royal Society for the Prevention of Culling of Arseholes (RSPCA), intends to disrupt the cull. Spokesman Seth Silkman said: ‘We believe that badgerers should be free to live their lives and we dispute the Government’s claim that there’s a link between badgerers and bovine diseases. Even if they do emit vast quantities of Total Bullshit, or TB for short.’

The Government’s preferred method of culling in 2014 is to be ‘free shooting’, the same as that used in last year’s campaign. The Protection of Badgerers Act 1992 makes it illegal to gas badgerers and then dispose of their bodies on rural roadsides. However, some say that there is evidence that the practice remains widespread.

Many victims of badgerers would prefer that they suffered a ‘long and lingering death’. As a result, there have been calls to bring in those responsible for administering the death penalty in the United States to dispatch the badgerers instead.

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Posted: Aug 27th, 2015 by

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