A new charity has been launched to save British charities and ‘especially’ their Chief Executives from extinction. With many coming under increased pressure to ‘ask nicely’ for donations, instead of targeting known dementia sufferers and holding them upside down by their ankles while fleecing their bank accounts.
An STC spokesman said: ‘Donations are at an all time low just when charity boss expectations are rising. The skill set required to run a network of shambolic high street shops stuffed with goods donated for free and run by volunteers requires the abilities only found in persons who command salaries twice that of David Cameron’.
It is likely the new charity will need at least 18 months of aggressive cold-calling in order to fund a sparkling new HQ in central London, a fleet of Range Rovers and the accompanying ‘budget’ penthouse suite. ‘We’re looking to subcontract fundraising,’ said the spokesman, ‘and we’d like to hear from anyone with mafia links, a low ethical threshold and connections with the Royal Bank of Scotland’.