Police commissioner apologises to court and pays locksmith’s costs after he locked up offender and threw away key

hanging's too good for him

‘I realise now that I was acting like an idiotic one man kangaroo court, and would like to apologise to the bench,’ said Commissioner John Jenkins, after he admitted to locking up Vince Hilaire, for a minor offence, and throwing away the key.

Orignally, Jenkins tried to cliam the incident was a mistake, but investigators found an entry on a web forum, in which he told other Daily Mail readers ‘If I had my way, I’d show no mercy to these bastards,’ he wrote, in a debate about the people who insert canned laughter into to so many of the BBC’s sit coms. ‘I would lock them up and throw away the key.’

Mr Hilaire, a TV production editor, with occasional duties including canned laughter, was surprised when the senior policeman threw him into prison, after originally being brought in for failing to stop at a traffic light. ‘I thought I might get a fine, or a telling off,’ said Mr Hilaire, ‘but when he locked me up and threw away the key, I was flabbergasted.’

The bold move was to backfire on Commissioner Jenkins, however. When Hilaire’s lawyers discovered that the sheriff had taken draconian – and illegal – action against their client, they immediately filed a complaint.

‘Luckily, the locksmiths said the locks on my jail cells are easy,’ said Commissioner Jenkins.’ Thank goodness for that. Otherwise, the lawyer said he was going to have my guts for gartners, put my arse in a sling, and kick me so goddamn hard I’d be wearing my scrotum for a hat.’

27th September 2009

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