Spoilt ballots now Greece’s main currency

Greek ballot papers

With an ever dwindling supply of Euros, Athens’ central bank has decided to adopt voting slips as the only commonly used currency within Greece. Now facing a fifth General Election in as many years, the populace are resigned to using a scrap of paper with a ‘oversized cock and balls’ drawn on it, as their only viable legal tender.

In recent months many of the Greek populace have been forced to use referendum literature as an alternative fuel, rather than its intended role as ‘cheap toilet paper’. Further bailouts and increased austerity has left Euros so scarce, that children report that the tooth fairy now only leaves an invoice from Angela Merkel.

Some analysts are talking about a developing exchange rate for soiled or wasted ballots. The US economy still dominates in terms of an excess of redundant Republican candidates; with ten Greek voting slips the equivalent of one Donald Trump. However the UK’s Labour election has meant that 3 tonnes of Liz Kendall memorabilia are worth upwards of 5 Nectar points.

Bankers expect the tight race between the incumbent Syriza party and their opposition to generate quantitative easing, releasing millions of spoilt ballots into the economy. One voter said: ‘I’m optimistic. Yes, we’ve pulped hectares of woodland. Yes, our pensionable age is 200 and the only paid job is as an Election teller. But I’m really looking forward to a consensus government led by this guy everyone is voting for – Mr. None-Of-The-Above’.

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Posted: Sep 20th, 2015 by

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