After the decision to wear black shirts for away matches caused consternation in New Zealand, and upset All Blacks fans, the latest decision is bound to prove controversial. England’s take on the Haka though is somewhat different. Instead of a representing a challenge to the enemy, the English version will celebrate debauchery and drunkenness. England’s team manager, Martin Johnson, explained that he had got nowhere by fretting endlessly about the ill-discipline in the team, so had decided it would be joyfully celebrated. ‘We envisage the lads lining up and pretending to throw back lagers: said Johnson, ‘maybe a few moonies in the middle and and some fake vomiting’.
There are even plans for one of the team to shout the lyrics of the traditional drinking song instead of the famous words of the Haka. ‘We are thinking of replacing ‘Ka mate Ka mate, Ka ora! Ka ora!’ with ‘I know a bear that you all know, Yogi!, Yogi!’ ‘, said Mike Tindall.
Tindall will also be the centre of other English Haka moves. English players will kiss his bald pate, as a fun memory of his boozy night out in Queenstown, along with mimicking his head being cut off by an angry Queen of England.
Johnson admitted that preparing the new English Haka was proving a distraction from training for the game, but that getting the dance right was important for morale: ‘The lads were rightly pumped when they nailed the dazzling dwarf-throwing sequence this morning’.
The French team are rumored to be perfecting their own response – a collective Gallic shrug accompanied by narrow points defeat.