‘We’ve been installing twat-detecting software in our cars that by-pass the normal rules of road courtesy,’ admitted a VW Audi spokesman, after issuing a recall on all 2.1 million of the UK’s Audi drivers. They will be required to book an appointment with their local VW Audi agent who will blast a hole the size of a pineapple in their heads using a 12 bore shotgun.
The software will automatically put the overtaking indicator on permanently, assume right of way in all situations and removes all semblance of common sense from the drivers. ‘It’s quite a small modification for most of them,’ the spokesman said, ‘and it should let people behave at their natural twat level without software intervention. It shouldn’t affect their day to day capabilities, but at least when you get cut up by a twat driving an Audi you’ll know it’s them, not us.’