‘Quiet carriage’ to be supplemented by ‘Properly quiet carriage’

Disgruntled rail passengers leaning across the aisle to say ‘Can’t you read?  This is the quiet carriage!’ may become a thing of the past following plans to introduce a range of carriages designed to ram the point home.

‘Properly quiet’ carriages will be aimed at passengers who object to all conversations, not just the terminally boring one-sided ones you get from people yabbering away on their mobiles.  Other noise-creating activities outlawed will be chewing, sniffing, throat-clearing, slurping, needlessly noisy newspaper rustling, murmuring passages from well-thumbed prayer books and doing that thing where people breathe in through a film of saliva.

Towards the middle of the train there’ll be a ‘For The Last Time, Shut It’ carriage coupled with a ‘What Part of Quiet Don’t You Understand, Dickhead?’ carriage, while towards the rear of the train it is proposed to have a ‘It’s Quiet. Too Quiet. I Don’t Like It.’ carriage, where passengers are expected to shoot glances at one another through narrowed eyes.

Bravenewmalden

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Posted: Oct 9th, 2015 by

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