Playing video games lowers GCSE results, increases fun

All in the wrist action

The National Children’s Bureau for the Bleeding Obvious has discovered that dicking around on the Xbox rather than doing your homework, might be a barrier to academic greatness. By contrast research initiated by all teenagers, has revealed that all work and no play makes Jack a ‘swot who no one invites to parties’.

These almost contrasting conclusions have split scientists; particularly those who spend all day starring at data on a computer screen in the hope of proving that starring at a computer screen is bad for you. Meanwhile, figures suggest that children who play video games twice a day are less likely to achieve in exams, but 100% more likely to kick your arse at ‘Hearthstone’.

One teenager replied: ‘I know playing ‘Rocket League’ instead of revising is bad for me. But so is smoking, drinking and trying to get girl’s pregnant – but I’m gonna have fun trying. Now excuse me, I need to get totally badass by chainsawing up a hellspawn in this first person shooter’.

The same study has found no link between social media use and exam performance, but has noticed a correlation between the use of Twitter and essays that are only 140 characters long. One scientist admitted that: ‘Teenagers are likely to persist with things they enjoy even if they know it’s counterproductive. For instance, constant masturbation may stunt your cerebral development; but who wants to find a cure for cancer when you could be having a sneaky wank?’

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Posted: Oct 12th, 2015 by

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