Lord Andrew Lloyd-Webber has flown from New York to London to oversee the transfer of his latest hit musical, ‘Evader’. The show tells the story of a humble billionaire who, despite going to great lengths to avoid paying tax on his vast fortune, is happy to reduce the tax credits the poorest depend on to survive.
Based on ‘Old Possum’s Book of Self-Centred Twats’, the show sees Lloyd-Webber depart from his usual creative process, cannibalising his own back catalogue rather than other people’s. The opening number sees the anti-hero set out his reasons for his actions.
Absolutely no memory
Of when I wasn’t wealthy
So I don’t give a f*ck
The scene then switches to London, as the leader of the House of Lords tries to persuade him not to make the journey.
Don’t fly for us, Lord Lloyd-Webber
The truth is that even with you
We’d lose the ballot
So why risk jetlag?
Just stay on Broadway
You greasy sh*tbag
There follows a chorus number, as the tax authorities of several countries join forces to try get round his various tax avoidance schemes.
We don’t know how to tax him
Where he lives, or where his cash is
He’s a man, he’s just a man
But he pays less tax than Vodafone
So why can’t we find out
How much he owns?
Our hero is by this time forced to wear a mask covering half his face whenever he appears in public, prompting the assembled company to cry ‘Why only half?’