007’s car rendered useless by spilt milk

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In a pivotal scene, during the twenty-forth ‘James Bond’ film, movie-goers will be treated to a high octane action sequence involving sour smelling diary product. Britain’s most inebriated spy, after Guy Burges, is seen spilling a small cartoon of full-cream milk on his car upholstery, after inadvertently plugging his USB charger into the ejector seat.

One of the ‘Spectre’s’ production team explained: ‘We’ve tried to remain as faithful as possible to the franchise, by blowing the entire budget in the first fifteen minutes. Unfortunately this leaves very little for gadget-related sfx later on; so we’ve minimised the car’s secret weaponry and emphasised its lingering reek’.

However ‘Q’ does provide Bond with one novelty gadget, designed to protect him against the threat of sultry foreign agents. Mysteriously referred to as ‘a condom’, this high tech rubber sheaf has never been used by Mr. Bond before. Previously Bond would dip his ‘Walther ppk’ in a weakened martini in a futile attempt to stave off syphilis.

With a budget of $300 million, some critics have complained that there should be more explosions and less reference to ‘Mr. Bond’s stinky Aston Martin’. A spokesman for Sam Mendes defended his choices: ‘We ran out of money. Lingering shots of James playing with a 6-speed manual transmission to dodge bullets, is no more as dramatic as seeing him applying a thick covering of baking soda to his floor mats. Yes, we could have spent more on the narrative or the acting – but why start now?’

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Posted: Oct 31st, 2015 by

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