Pinewood Studios has announced that Minister for Overseas Development Priti Patel will replace Daniel Craig as James Bond. They based the decision on Patel’s ability to travel abroad, disguised as a simple holidaymaker, and conduct high level intrigue without arousing suspicion there or at home.
One leaked scene from the next film shows Patel meeting Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, himself disguised as a door-to-door brush salesman. Patel tells him that her company, Universal Exports, might be able to supply him with some more ‘brushes’ avoiding any international scrutiny. Netanyahu is ecstatic, saying that ‘At last we’ll be able to wipe out the Palestinians! Or rather sweep them up, since we’re just talking about brushes, obviously’.
‘It also helped that her name already sounded a bit like a bad pun,’ the studio added. ‘Not quite up there with Pussy Galore but pretty good … No, Boris, no.’