Middle aged gangsta rappers switching to gin and tonic


As gangsta rappers enter their middle age, a growing trend is being seen to mix tonic with their gin, rather than juice. Rappers are changing their drinking habits in line with their age.

Previously, some rappers would sing popular rhymes about how they would cruise down the strip, smoking endos and sipping on gin and juice. The words of such songs have now been changed to reflect their more civilised outlook on their surroundings. Snoop Doggy Dogg now raps that he still cruises down the strip, smoking endo, sipping on gin and tonic.

‘For me it was the ideal change,’ said Mr Dogg, ‘it is a hard life to be hanging with my homies all day, avoiding the gangbangers and the car jackers, and trying to find the bitches. What is necessary is an afternoon aperitif to soothe the brain and calm the nerves. I find the youthful drink of gin and juice so vulgar. I was delighted to change the mixer to tonic. Obviously, the diet version. And it is divine with a slice of lime and an ice cube.’

Speaking of Ice Cube, the aging ex-member of pioneering rap group NWA is now more than partial to medium sweet sherry in the afternoon. Famous for rapping songs that contained lyrics such as, ‘none of my homies got killed in South Central LA, today was a good day,’ Mr Cube has now revised his songs to include the lyrics, ‘None of my sweet sherry got spilled on my antique silver tray, today was a good day.’

Finally, pioneering rapper and producer Dr Dre has revealed his partiality for Snowball cocktails. ‘I have fond memories of studying for my PhD,’ he said, ‘and I really enjoyed a nice snowball during moments of writer’s block. Obviously, I have experimented with other drinks, most notably ‘Jagerbull’ which is apparently number one in the USA, according to my local Wetherspoon’s, but for me, there is nothing better than a few snowballs. I love everything to do with Advocaat.

Ice-T was unavailable for comment, although he was last seen somewhere in Long Island.


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Posted: Nov 12th, 2015 by

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