Thousands of Christmas shoppers will be giving the gift of mass destruction this year following the launch of a new ‘Adopt a bomb for Syria’ scheme.
Priced at £20, the gift recipient will have their name engraved on the bomb chassis, and will receive a full casualty report upon the warhead’s successful deployment. They will also receive a certificate and a cuddly bomb toy, posted and packaged by a specially selected workforce of Syrian refugees.
For those with generous wallets, the deluxe adoption scheme will see their bomb covered in tinsel, and fitted with loudspeakers to play Christmas carols as it falls towards its target. Thousands of orders have already been received and the government is concerned that they may have to bomb additional countries in order to meet the demand.
All of the money raised from the scheme will go where it is most needed – the UK government defence budget.