Deal struck with Simon Cowell to free X-Factor contestants

Emotional scenes in London after negotiators finally reached a deal with Simon Cowell to release X-Factor contestants back to their families after six months of gruelling captivity.

A spokesman from Syco Productions, Cowell’s henchmen, said, “we have reached a deal with ITV and the British Government to release the contestants from their contractual obligations. They were never held against their will and we do this as a gesture of goodwill.” The contestants emerged from a blacked-out windowed bus, blinking and cowed, and rushed into the arms of their awaiting loved ones. It thought that the deal let Mr Cowell keep Dermot O’Leary and Caroline Flack. At present Olly Murrs has disappeared but the authorities are sure he’ll probably turn up somewhere.

An unnamed contestant spoke of his ordeal, ‘It was a living hell. Cowell would have us singing and dancing for 18 hours a day with little breaks. He even kept our toenail clipping and urine for some reason. If we didn’t do what he told us he said he would make us work with Cheryl or bring back Louis Walsh. We were terrified.’

Next years X-Factor will be filmed in North Korea so that the Human Rights act is not applicable to contestants.

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Posted: Dec 14th, 2015 by

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