Having survived 14 years in captivity in Guantanamo Bay, Shaker Aamer has agreed to be captive once again, this time in a specially themed Big Brother house, which will be styled on the infamous American internment camp.
Recognising the need to reintegrate and reconnect with an unfamiliar British culture, Mr Aamer said, ‘What better way to understand what I have missed by appearing in one of Britain’s most popular TV show with its most revered celebrities and talking heads.’ The assembled journalists looked at each other awkwardly as he continued, ‘I am very much looking forward to having discourse and working with my fellow contestants in what is sure to be fascinating and informative show.’
Producers were delighted to secure Mr Aamer’s appearance on the show and have already confirmed the Guantanamo theme and a few of its games. ‘Celebrity Waterboarding’ is sure to appear as well the Big Brother chair being replaced with an interrogation room in which all contestants will be wearing a pillow case over their faces. Sleep deprivation will be in place throughout the month with Benny Hill’s ‘Yackety Sax’ being played at high volumes throughout the day and night.
At present the show is said to be lasting a month but producers hinted that there may be a surprise addition of a number of days or months to add to the authentic feeling of desperation. No other confirmed contestants are in place as yet, but there are rumours that Katie Hopkins, Ed Miliband, Louis Spencer, Christopher Biggins and Dick Cheney have been approached.
When questioned about accusations of torture, a producer said ‘Of course being in Big Brother is not torture! Watching it though, well, that’s another matter.’