A Chichester man has today realised his lifelong ambition – the successful avoidance of shit Christmas telly. ‘I’ve been dreaming of this day since I was a young boy.’ said Tim. ‘My teachers all said it was impossible, and that the chances of me succeeding were a billion to one – yet here we are!’
The 43 year-old donned a special suit, and was filmed live embarking on his voyage, commentated by Dara O Briain and Professor Briain Cox, gushing about the magnitude of his achievements while wearing novelty santa hats.
‘Some say I’ve left it a bit late seeing as Channel 5 have already shown ‘A Christmas Wish’ 27 times this year’, says the 43 year-old. ‘Yes, it’s been tough, but I managed. Any later though and it could have been a disaster. I might have accidentally caught the end of ‘The Wizard of Oz’ for the 30th year in a row and ruined the whole experiment.’
Rebecca Peake took their two sons to wave him off, and looked on in awe as her husband embarked on his six month journey. ‘It’s taken him years and years, but he’s – quite literally – reaching for the stars to achieve his dream to avoid a re-run of ‘Love Actually’,’ says Rebecca. ‘Of course I’m upset that I can’t go with him to avoid the ‘Take Me Out’ Christmas special with Keith Lemon on it, but I’m proud that he is the first British national to have ever succeeded in missing ‘classic repeats’ of ‘Morecambe and Wise.’
‘The only thing I’m counting on now, is that the other lads have never heard of Michael Bublé.’