In a milestone for international space travel and cosmic cable-laying, proud astronaut Tim Peake has achieved the dream and crimped off the first ever British length on an orbital space station.
After having jettisoned his historic teddys’ leg into the void 400km above earth, Tim emerged from the ablutions capsule to meet Mikhail Korniyenko. After a brief, heartfelt congratulatory handshake between the two cosmonauts, Tim quipped: ‘I’d give it ten light-years if I if I were you mate!’. He then confirmed the paper was up to the task and that at no point had he needed to write ‘111’ on the wall.
During the routine, post-defecation transmission to NASA ground control, Tim said: ‘It still hasn’t really sunk in yet that I’m the first Brit to have dropped the kids off on the ISS. It is a proud moment indeed,’ he continued with a hint of a tear in his eye. ‘It was kind of sad ejecting my mersey trout out into space after but I’m going to nip out on a space walk later and see if I can find it. I have a little flag on a cocktail stick ready for it if I do’.
Izal, Zero-G toilet paper suppliers to the Space station, tweeted: ‘Congratulations to Tim on his turning point acheivement. Izal – No hull breach, guaranteed!’