Lemmy to be interred in giant pyramid

Armies of Motorhead fans dressed in loincloths are reported to be converging on Stoke-on-Trent to construct a tomb for Lemmy based on the Great Pyramid of Cheops, in which he will be kept on ice, with Jack Daniels, until it is ready for his final journey into the afterlife.

Local worshippers are already quarrying gigantic stone cubes spurred on by Motorhead albums blasting into the quarries through gigantic speaker sets, while womenfolk are preparing suitable robes, a huge black hat and food to accompany him into the afterlife, mainly raw meat, whisky and Marlboro, said High Priest Kevin Noggs.

When the tomb is complete, Lemmy will be paraded through the streets of Stoke on a black throne before being fired into the heart of the pyramid with explosive charges. ‘We are also sending in his bass guitars and some blow up sex dolls, just in case,’ Noggs said. Followers dressed as cowboys plan to guard the tomb for all eternity.

Nick Warren

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Posted: Dec 30th, 2015 by

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