The Financial Conduct Authority has shelved its banking inquiry and told consumers to ‘stop whining like a little girl’. Rather than challenge the culture of the city of London, the FCA is said to favour offering brokers candle-lit meals, a shoulder rub and unlimited access to everyone’s savings.
A FCA representative explained: ‘If you think about it, the public are to blame. You agreed to mortgages on their terms. You were wearing low-cut interest rates. And when things got out of hand you didn’t fight back. You may have said no to unsecured loans, but we all know that means yes.’
The previous FCA chief executive, Martin Wheatley, was sacked for suggesting that the banking community resembling a piranha tank. Now, however, bankers can get back to their bonuses, while the consumer can get back to being spanked by some preppy sociopath who needs to give us a safe word for our banking password.