The Prime Minister has taken the unprecedented decision to be guided by fairy tales from the land-of-make-believe or his ‘big society’ as he calls it. Drawing on the construction acumen of a family firm of pigs – claiming a long history of ‘keeping the wolf from the door’ – David Cameron has said that best examples of affordable housing are fictitious, citing numerous gingerbread residences as an example.
A spokesman for Mr. Cameron explained: ‘We’ve been given three quotes – ranging from budget building materials right the way through to brick. Even though for many Conservatives the idea of social housing is fantasy territory, we still need to work within a budget. Many would say that using straw is fraught with risk – but as events in Cumbria have shown, we need more homes with a high absorbency factor’.
Eighty seven percent of first-time buyers would rather be promised affordable housing by anthropomorphic pigs than the Chancellor, George Osborne. However lenders have warned that even pretend cottages could be at risk if owners fail to keep up with payments to wolfish financiers; with one warning: ‘I’ll huff and I’ll puff but I’m unlikely to award a mortgage based on your credit history’.
Meanwhile Mr. Cameron is convinced that outsourcing his pledges to folkloric characters may allow the Government to continue to make promises without expectation of delivery. His spokesman expanded: ‘If we said the NHS was in the hands of the tooth fairy – your inner child would be thrilled, while your adult self would accept that nothing was going to get done. It’s far easier to make spurious claims based on imaginary characters. Which is why we will be defeating IS with the help of moderate Syrians’.