A number of attractive young(ish) women have invented a new party game, provisionally named ‘Pass The Toad’. The object of the game is to be holding the toad when it finally croaks, ideally without spending too much time with the revolting creature beforehand. This winner receives a cash prize thought to be in the billions.
Currently in the lead is Jerry Hall, who recently gained possession of the toad in what she fervently hopes will be the last gasp of its life. ‘Ah worked it all out real careful,’ explained the Texan former supermodel. ’Ah surely believe it ain’t got more than a coupla years left. And it’s so old, I’m hopin’ it won’t be able ta… oh gawd, ah can’t even say it out loud… more than once a month. So fer that much money, ah reckon it’s worth it. Just about.’
Asked what life with the toad was like, Hall put a brave face on it. ‘It’s fine, really. It makes me laugh. Especially when it talks about all the things we’ll do together in the future.’ Hall took possession of the toad from an enraged Wendi Deng, who is now rueing all the years she was lumbered with it in return for a relatively modest divorce settlement. She is thought to have spoiled her chances of collecting the big prize by her affair with Tony Blair.
‘Looking back, I can’t believe I ever thought Blair was attractive, or a decent human being,’ she added sadly. ‘Mind you, look at what I had to compare him with. It was just nice to be having sex with someone who didn’t look like he should be shooting electricity out of his hands at Luke Skywalker.’