Dolly Parton denies causing islands in the stream at Glastonbury

Glastonbury founder, Michael Eavis, faeces charges at Yeovil Magistrates’ Court of allowing rock star excrement to escape from ‘backstage’ and pollute local water sources. Festival-goers are used to wading through ‘all manner of shit’ in terms of headliners but suspicions have focused on Ms. Parton.

Paul Mycock, a spokesman for Miss Parton, denied her involvement: ‘Whilst at the festival Dolly had the exclusive use of a luxury Winnebago for all of her toilet requirements. At the end of the event the cassette was removed and the contents disposed of under strict security – obsessed fans will stop at nothing to acquire Dolly memorabilia. Ever since she heard about that sheep Dolly has been fearful of any attempt at cloning.’

Mr Eavis accepted that the culprit was unlikely to be Miss Parton, he said: ‘My prime suspects are Metallica, that James Hetfield certainly had a sly look on his face as they performed their 1996 hit ‘Load’. Dirty b@stards.’

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Posted: Jan 18th, 2016 by

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