In a survey published today, the nation’s young (18-24) sexual criminals are looking forward to pursuing careers in the public eye: ‘just somewhere near the blindspot’.
An unnamed respondent told us: ‘There is a new, increasingly ambitious, set of young deviants that have been inspired by public figures such as Jimmy Savile, Cyril Smith, Rolf Harris and Pudsey the Bear. Also, there are still allegations flying around about Lord Janner and countless other politicians. They’ve shown us that there is a clear career path available for us that will demand the establishment cover up for us until it’s too late to know the full story or we’re too old or senile to face trial. It’s a very real prospect.’
When shown the report a spokesperson for Scotland Yard snatched it away from our reporter, shredded it, burnt the remains and denied that the report had ever existed.