Following the shock news of Terry Wogan’s death, concerned citizens have rounded up our remaining National Treasures and formed a protective circle around them. It is thought they will remain under the concern of the general public until 2016, the notorious celebrity killer, is over.
Stephen Fry, Maggie Smith, Helen Mirren and Paul McCartney are amongst those that have been taken from their homes and moved to an undisclosed location. They are to be held in tended for in hermetically sealed, oak lined apartments but will be allowed to podcast regularly to maintain the spirits of a tired and grief ridden nation.
Organisers of the group have asked the general public to alert them to the whereabouts of Judi Dench, David Attenborough and Trevor MacDonald immediately. Ian McKellen is currently being pursued on foot across Salisbury Plains. Michael Caine so far has evaded capture in a stolen bus and was last heard of in Northern Italy. Tony Blair presented himself to the group, but was swiftly told to fuck off.