“It happened very quickly, probably overnight, within a week at most,” said councillor James Bellingham today about the repeated hacks that have resulted in the council being ransomed for “£1 million or free parking in the county for a month.”
Initially the council’s computer systems were hijacked, however as the two Sinclair Spectrums and the council’s main computer, an Amstrad 1512, were incapable of being affected by the malware, the hackers instead took to removing the screws that hold the pencil sharpener blades in place. “We can only keep the pencils running for another day or so,” said a county technician, who claimed he had resorted to using “a kitchen knife” to sharpen pencils.
“It looks like an inside job,” said a spokesman, noting that the ransom was only concerned with staff parking spaces. “We’ve had problems with part time staff parking their combine harvesters, and think this could be a revenge attack. “We’ll be back up and running spreading horseshit on the highways to reduce the risk of ice in no time,” he reassured the county population.